you motorboatin son of a gun quote

• You Motorboating Son of a Bitch

About Wedding Crashers

• Released in 2005
• Directed by David Dobkin
• Produced by New Line Cinema

Wedding Crashers Scenes

• You Shut Your Mouth
• Just the Tip
• Wedding Montage
• Hell of a Season
• I'm a Cocksman
• Death You Are My Bitch Lover
• Jeremy Seduces Gloria
• Claire's Toast
• Stage 5 Virgin Clinger
• That Was My First Asian
• No More Bodily Fluids
• Crab Cakes and Football
• I'd Find You
• I Don't Even Wear a Belt
• Sea Otter Story
• Holy Shirts and Pants
• Those are Lovely Tits
• Mom Make You Feel Her Tits?
• Grandma's Kind of Mean
• You Do the Math
• Todd and Jeremy in Bed
• Midnight Rape or the Gay Art Show
• Starboard's This Way
• Let's Go Kill Some Birds
• Jeremy Gets Shot
• I Hope You Flip Your Bike
• Randolph and Sack
• The Beach Scene
• Engagement Announcement
• I Wasn't A Virgin
• Jeremy and the Priest
• John Loves Claire
• Good News Travels Fast
• That Painting Was a Gift
• John's Plan
• Sack Fights John
• Rule Number 5 - You're an Idiot
• Jeremy and Gloria Get Engaged
• Claire Bear
• Light Reading
• Ma, Meatloaf
• Funeral Scene
• Preview of Marriage to Ike Turner
• Final Scene

Characters in This Scene

Jeremy Grey

John Beckwith

Grandma Mary Cleary

Phrase Finder

• Son of a gun

What's the meaning of the phrase 'Son of a gun'?

A ‘son of a gun’ is a rogue or scamp – “you are naughty, you old son of a gun”. The phrase is also used, although this is uncommon outside the USA, as a euphemism for ‘ son of a bitch ‘.

Some say that the origin is ‘son of a military man’ but, whether this is the correct origin or not, the phrase is no longer used to convey that meaning.

What's the origin of the phrase 'Son of a gun'?

There is dispute amongst etymologists about the origin of this phrase. As always, disputes only occur where there is no definitive evidence so I’ll put the sources here and let you decide for yourself. The two points of view are primarily these:

1. The phrase originated as ‘son of a military man’ (that is, a gun) .

The most commonly repeated version in this strand is that the British Navy used to allow women to live on naval ships. Any child born on board who had uncertain paternity would be listed in the ship’s log as ‘son of a gun’. This is attestable fact as, although the Royal navy had rules against it, they did turn a blind eye to women (wives or prostitutes) joining sailors on voyages, so this version has plausibility on its side.

The sources for the point of view that ‘son of a gun’ is ‘son of a military man’ are:

– Jon Badcock’s, Slang: A Dictionary of the Turf , 1823:

[ son of a gun means ] ‘a soldier’s bastard’.

– The Sailor’s Word-Book: an alphabetical digest of nautical terms , William Henry Smyth, 1867:

[ a son of a gun is ] “An epithet conveying contempt in a slight degree, and originally applied to boys born afloat, when women were permitted to accompany their husbands at sea; one admiral declared he literally was thus cradled, under the breast of a gun-carriage”.

The first known printed example of ‘son of a gun’ in print is The British Apollo No. 43 , 1708:

“You’r a Son of a Gun”.

That source doesn’t mention the military and all the explanations that link ‘son of a gun’ to the military come 150 years or more later. However, Smyth was himself a Royal Navy admiral and in a better position than most to know what went on aboard naval ships. Whether or not the military/naval version is the origin it is clear that, in 1823 at least, the term was used with that meaning.

Counter to that you might think it unusual that military men didn’t appear to have daughters, or you may just put that down to the prevailing sexism of the time. There are several phrases including the word son:

Every mother’s son Go on my son Like father, like son My son the doctor Number one son On me ‘ead, son

whereas it’s difficult to think of anything other than ‘don’t put your daughter on the stage’ for daughters.

2. The term is euphemistic and derived as a conveniently rhyming alternative to ‘son of a bitch/whore’.

‘ Son of a bitch ‘ has been part of the language for centuries, certainly long enough for people to some up with a euphemistic variant for it. Shakespeare used something like it in King Lear , 1605:

“One that art nothing but the composition of a Knave, Begger, Coward, Pandar, and the Sonne and Heire of a Mungrill Bitch.”

The military version has some circumstantial evidence to support it, the rhyming euphemism origin appears to be no more than conjecture.

The history of “Son of a gun” in printed materials

Trend of son of a gun in printed material over time

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Son of a Gun. Origin

The fire is everything

• Jan 8, 2004

The origin of the expression "You Son of a Gun" A long time ago women were allowed to live on Navy ships to keep company for sailor husbands and friends who had to stay for several months at sea without being in battle. On occasion, a woman delivered a baby whose paternity could not be established with certainty. In the birth certificate, authorities just noted "Son of a gun," referring to the artillery found on the ships. This has evolved into the common expression we use today. (From Military.com) One of the earliest examples of "Son of a Gun" comes from British admiral British admiral William Henry Smyth's The Sailor's Work Book, from 1865. "An epithet conveying contempt in a slight degree, and originally applied to boys born afloat, when women were permitted to accompany their husbands to sea; one admiral declared he literally was thus cradled, under the breast of a gun carriage."  

Active member

nice. I wonderd about that.  

• Jul 26, 2005

Son Of a Gun........When the Royal Navy Ships were in port the sailors would often get women on board, now these women being of dubious character would often sell their favours. Quite often a woman would be heavy with child when she on board hoping to earn a few coppers. It was not unknown for these women to go into labour with the all hi jinks that were going on. Now when they gave birth they quite often did this between the cannons so that they could hang on to the ropes while they gave birth. Many of these women did not have the money to look after them selfs let alone a baby so it was often left on board the ship. The baby would be sent of to an orphanage till it was old enough to go to sea which was about eight years of age when they would work as powder monkeys carrying the powder for the guns from the Magazine. Because these children had been born between the the guns, you can see how the name came about.  

I LOVE THE ARMY!!!!!!

• Jan 2, 2006

Lol!:CG:  

• Jan 3, 2006

on the show mythbusters on the discovery channel, they said that the myth explaining that was that in the civil war, a shot was fired that went through a mans testicles, then kept going with sperm on it, and hit a woman in the right spot and got her pregnant, they then went on to disprove it...that is an interesting show, i highly recommend it to everyone  

rotc boy said: on the show mythbusters on the discovery channel, they said that the myth explaining that was that in the civil war, a shot was fired that went through a mans testicles, then kept going with sperm on it, and hit a woman in the right spot and got her pregnant, they then went on to disprove it...that is an interesting show, i highly recommend it to everyone Click to expand...

Milforum's Bouncer

Yes but the two snipers I have known were a bit odd and given to such acts of attempting the improbable. My question is who would be the man shackled with paternity??  

But you have to admit, that would have been a heckuva shot. Click to expand...

Marinerhodes

• Jan 4, 2006

• Dec 3, 2009

Chief Engineer

• Dec 5, 2009

very interesting explanations.  

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The spectacular naval origin of the phrase, ‘son of a gun’

By Blake Stilwell

Updated on Jun 15, 2023 8:17 AM PDT

3 minute read

These days, Americans are less likely to exclaim “ son of a gun ” than the more-explicit “ son of a b*tch, ” but there was a time when “son of a gun” itself was not used in mixed company — and that time was more than 200 years after the age of sail.

It seems the Royal Navy , while not keen on having women aboard its ships, sometimes overlooked the practice. Different times throughout its history saw sailors of the Royal Navy either bring either their wives or lovers aboard ships that might be out at sea for a while. While it wasn’t officially tolerated, there are instances of a ship’s company turning a blind eye to it.

Everyone aboard a ship was counted in the ship’s log back in those days. The log was a detailed account of who was working, who came aboard, who left, who died, etc. It also kept track of who was born aboard one of the King or Queen’s ships. It was uncommon, but it did happen. Women had to get around the world just like anyone else. The Royal Navy kept this count, just like any other ship.

But say there was one of the aforementioned female guests aboard a ship. If that woman just happened to give birth aboard ship, that child would have to be kept in the log. If a child was born with uncertain paternity — that is to say, there were too many possibilities as to who the father could be — the newborn still had to be counted in the log.

If this was the case, the child’s name was recorded as the “son of a gun” — the son of a seaman below decks. Eventually, the common use of the phrase began to refer to any child born aboard a ship, even those of officers accompanied by their wives. Then, it began to refer to any child of a military man , not just the bastard children of sailors.

Some 200-plus years later, it’s used to lovingly refer to a mischievous person or as an expression of awe or esteem. To use an expletive or insult in the same vein, we’ve moved on as a society. Who knows where language will go next?

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Absolutely nobody wants to make another ‘rush hour’ movie, 31 revealing facts about celebrities you never knew before, 12 fresh trivia tidbits for wednesday, august 21, 2024, elon musk is foreclosing on gene wilder’s old house, 5 movie quotes that must be stopped.

Movie quotes are occasionally useful. Last week, when Paris Hilton claimed that she didn't "deserve" her jail sentence, there's nothing we wanted more than to stand over her like Clint Eastwood in Unforgiven and whisper, "Deserve's got nothing to do with it, mister." These five phrases from recent comedies, on the other hand, have all become cultural shorthand for, "I'm smart enough to remember what that one guy said that one time, but just barely bright enough to breathe without a machine."

5. "C'mon, Focker!" (Or any sentence that ends in "...Focker!")

Common Usage: Any time when you want to say "fuck" but are afraid of being naughty. Basically, first through third grades. After that, if you can't get past the thrill of almost saying a curse word, chances are you're never going to need to know what the verb form of the word "fuck" means anyways.

4. "Shake and bake!"

Common Usage: Usually delivered with a fist bump, "shake and bake" is like a Forrest Gump quote mixed with a high five. It shows your friends that you think of yourself as a semi-retarded NASCAR driver, and that you hold them in the same high regard. Sprinkling a "shake and bake" in while dishing out the celebratory fist bumps lets everyone in the room know that your last big win was completing the Tri-Force (in "The Legend of Zelda," but you knew that).

3. "Are they built for speed or comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? You motorboatin' son of a bitch. You old sailor, you."

Common Usage: Sure, you could recite this quote when a friend of yours mentions a recent hookup. He'll probably reply, "Oh, I get it, that's from that movie Wedding Crashers ." And you will in turn say, "Yup!" And then the two of you will sit around in a haze of awkward, stultifying stupidity for the rest of the night.

A better way to use it is any time your dad starts a sentence with "Me and your mom"¦" That'll be sure to liven up Thanksgiving dinner. Especially if your mom has great tits.

2. "You know how I know you're gay?"

Of course, anyone who uses this quote will be quick to remind you that they don't have anything against gay people. They're not talking about GAY, gay. Just"¦y'know"¦ gay . C'mon, you know what they mean. Quit being so gay.

Common Usage: Anytime someone uses this line, things usually devolve into what amounts to a stupider, whiter version of the MTV show Yo Mamma. Read that last sentence again, and then try to resist the urge to punch a total stranger in the face. The one potential upside is the possibility that some jackass will at some point in the future, say this to someone who actually is gay. Sure, he may feel witty in front of his boys, but he's probably not going to have anything to say that will top the response of, "Because I just had sex with you in a Porta-John?"

1. "Eees NIIIIIICE," or "My Seeestehr"¦" or "Een My Coun-tehr-ee"

Proper Usage: Borat quotes are meant to be delivered in an Eastern Bloc accent hackish enough to make Yakov Smirnoff ululate. Many people believe that the proper response to a Borat quote is another Borat quote, but this is actually incorrect. Modern etiquette and social responsibility demand that the quoter receive a swift testicle drubbing, lest he reproduce.

Read more of Zach's stuff over at his blog UnderpantsOnTheOutside.com .

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30 best quotes from 'Top Gun' for its 30th anniversary

Still feel the need for speed 30 years after Top Gun hit theaters on May 16, 1986? We've got nostalgia for the classic film, too. Here are 30 of the best quotes from Mav, Goose, Iceman and more.

Maverick: "I feel the need ..."

Goose: "... the need for speed!"

Stinger: "Maverick, you just did an incredibly brave thing. (Pause) What you should have done was land your plane! You don't own that plane! The taxpayers do! Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash!"

Carole: "Take me to bed or lose me forever."

Goose: "Show me the way home, honey."

Iceman: "You can be my wingman any time."

Maverick: "Bull----! You can be mine."

Maverick, spotting Charlie for the first time:  "She's lost that loving feeling."

Charlie: "Listen, can I ask you a personal question?"

Maverick: "That depends."

Charlie: "Are you a good pilot?"

Maverick: "I can hold my own."

Charlie: "Great, then I won't have to worry about you making your living as a singer."

Maverick, after Charlie walks away: "I'm going to need a beer to put these flames out. Yo! Great Mav, real slick."

Goose: "No. No, Mav, this is not a good idea."

Maverick: "Sorry, Goose, but it's time to buzz the tower."

'Top Gun' still soars at 30, while shooting for that sequel

Jester: "That was some of the best flying I've seen to date — right up to the part where you got killed."

Goose: "It's time for the big one."

Iceman: "You up for this one, Maverick?"

Maverick: "Just a walk in the park, Kazansky."

Slider: "Remember, boys, no points for second place."

Maverick, walking into a bar: "This is what I call a target-rich environment."

Goose: "Great balls of fire!"

Maverick: "It's classified. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

Iceman: "Maverick, it's not your flying, it's your attitude. The enemy's dangerous, but right now you're worse. Dangerous and foolish. You may not like who's flying with you, but whose side are you on?"

Charlie: "I'll have what he's having. Hemlock, is it?"

Maverick: "Ice water."

Maverick: "You don't have time to think up there. If you think, you're dead."

Maverick: "Talk to me, Goose."

Charlie: "So you're the one."

Maverick: "Yes, ma'am."

Maverick: "Jesus Christ, and you think I'm reckless? When I fly, I'll have you know that my crew and my plane come first."

Charlie: "Well, I am going to finish my sentence, Lieutenant. My review of your flight performance was right on."

Maverick: "Is that right?"

Charlie: "That is right, but I held something back. I see some real genius in your flying, Maverick, but I can't say that in there. I was afraid that everyone in the tax trailer would see right through me, and I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you."

Maverick: "I think I'll go embarrass myself with Goose."

Nick, in the air: "Let's turn and burn!"

Maverick: "What's your problem, Kazansky?"

Jester: "His fitness report says it all. Flies by the seat of his pants, totally unpredictable."

Viper: "He got you, didn't he?"

Goose, to Maverick: "Every time we go up there, it's like you're flying with a ghost."

Maverick: "You didn't tell me who you were the other night."

Charlie: "You didn't give me a chance, did you? You deserved it."

Maverick: "I know. But you were tempted to ask me out for dinner."

Charlie: "No. I don't date students."

Maverick: "I can see it's dangerous for you, but if the government trusts me, maybe you could."

Charlie: "It takes a lot more than just fancy flying."

Tom Cruise is teasing the heck out of us about 'Top Gun 2'

Carole to Maverick: "God, he loved flying with you, Maverick. But he'd have flown anyway ... without you. He'd have hated it, but he would've done it."

Maverick: "I will fire when I'm (expletive) good and ready! You got that?"

Charlie: "You're not going to be happy unless you're going Mach 2 with your hair on fire."

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Son of a Gun

JR: Here's some proof that the bonobos aren't dying out.

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Motor Boat Son Of A Bitch GIF

• Son Of A Bitch

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Wedding Crashers (2005)

Owen wilson: john beckwith.

• Photos (41)
• Quotes (65)

Photos 

Quotes 

Jeremy Grey : I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

John Beckwith : Soft mattress?

Jeremy Grey : Yeah, it could have been the soft mattress. Or the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep.

John Beckwith : You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts.

John Beckwith : Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper.

Jeremy Grey : Yeah? Well, the proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me.

[people in the next row turn round and stare at Jeremy] 

John Beckwith : Why don't you say it a little louder? I don't think the priest heard you.

John Beckwith : I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula.

John Beckwith : Claire's mom just made me grab her hooters.

Jeremy Grey : Well snap out of it! What, a hot older women made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl.

John Beckwith : I wasn't crying like a little girl.

Jeremy Grey : Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems, jackass. Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat?

[makes sputtering motorboat noise] 

Jeremy Grey : You motorboatin son of a bitch! You old sailor you! Where is she? She still in the house?

John Beckwith : What's wrong with you?

Jeremy Grey : What do you mean "what's wrong with me?" What's wrong with you?

John Beckwith : No, what's wrong with you?

Jeremy Grey : No, what's wrong with you? You're projecting!

John Beckwith : Drop it.

Jeremy Grey : You drop it! You stop projecting on me! Why don't you go enjoy yourself while I go ice my balls and spit up blood.

John Beckwith : Drop it!

[starts walking away] 

Jeremy Grey : Team player!

John Beckwith : Claire! Will you wait just a second? All I wanted is was a second alone with you so I could explain things. But I've never gotten that chance. Maybe I don't deserve it, so here goes. For longer than I care to remember, my business has been crashing weddings. I crashed weddings to meet girls. Business was good. I met a *lot* of girls. It was childish and it was juvenile.

Claire Cleary : And pathetic.

John Beckwith : Yeah. That's probably the best word to describe it. But you know what? It also led me to you, so it's hard for me to completely regret it. And that person that you met back at your folks' place? That was really me. Maybe not my name, I'm John Beckwith by the way. Or my job. But the feelings we felt; the jokes, the stupid laughs, that was all me. I've changed. I've realized something. I crashed a funeral today.

Jeremy Grey : [mutters]  Oh Jesus.

John Beckwith : It wasn't my idea, I was basically dragged to it.

[to Jeremy] 

John Beckwith : I went with Chazz who you forgot to tell me is totally insane. He also might be a genius because it actually does work, he's cleaning up.

Claire Cleary : John!

John Beckwith : I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's neither here nor there. Anyway, I saw this widow and she's a wreck. She has just lost the person she loved the most in this world and I realized we're all going to lose the people we love. That's the way it is, but not me. Not right now. Because the person *I* love the most is standing right here and I'm not ready to lose you yet. Claire, I'm not standing here asking you to marry me, I'm just asking you not to marry *him* and maybe take a walk, take a chance.

[Kathleen Cleary walks into John's bedroom, unbuttons her blouse and shows John her boobs] 

Kathleen Cleary : I just had my tits done. You like 'em?

John Beckwith : [shocked]  Those... seem like lovely tits.

Kathleen Cleary : William doesn't give a shit about my tits.

John Beckwith : Well, darn him. But Mrs. Cleary, this is pretty sudden...

Kathleen Cleary : Oh, you been playing "Cat and Mouse" with me ever since you came here.

John Beckwith : Mrs. Cleary, I don't...

Kathleen Cleary : Call me Kat.

John Beckwith : Okay, Kat.

Kathleen Cleary : Call me "Kitty Kat".

[growls] 

John Beckwith : Okay, Kitty Kat. This feels "borderline" inappropriate.

[Kathleen walks closer to John] 

Kathleen Cleary : Feel them.

John Beckwith : What?

Kathleen Cleary : I said feel them!

John Beckwith : Mrs. Cleary...

Kathleen Cleary : Kitty Kat.

John Beckwith : I'm sorry, Kitty Kat, are you out of your fucking mind?

Kathleen Cleary : I'm not letting you out of this room until you feel them.

[Completely hesitant and nervous, John feels her boobs; Kathleen moans softly] 

John Beckwith : Wow, they feel really nice. Real orb-like. It's amazing what they can do...

[Kathleen shudders and puts her blouse back on] 

Kathleen Cleary : Pervert!

[John has just referred to an aunt, only to be told by a guest that she is dead] 

Jeremy Grey : How many times you gonna do this shit? Rule #32: You don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely positive they have a pulse.

John Beckwith : Rule #16: Give me an up-to-date family tree. That was your mistake. You made me look like an idiot.

Jeremy Grey : Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!

Chazz Reinhold : So how's my protégé?

John Beckwith : Jeremy, believe it or not, is getting married!

Chazz Reinhold : What? What an idiot! What a loser! Good! Good! More for you and me.

John Beckwith : What are you doing? It's a game of touch football, every time I look over you're on your ass again.

John Beckwith : Sorry I'm late.

Jeremy Grey : No problem.

John Beckwith : I'm sorry I called you white trash.

Jeremy Grey : Apology accepted.

John Beckwith : And I'm sorry I called you hillbilly. I don't even know what that means.

Jeremy Grey : John, it's OK. Do you mind if I get married now?

John Beckwith : That brings us to the question of frequent flyer miles.

Mrs. Kroeger : I want them.

John Beckwith : Know what we're gonna do? We're gonna split them right down the middle. How would that be, Mr Kroeger?

Mr. Kroeger : It would be not good at all. I earned those miles.

Mrs. Kroeger : Yeah, you earned them flying to Denver to meet your whore.

Mr. Kroeger : She's not afraid to express herself sexually if that's what you mean.

Mrs. Kroeger : She's a stripper, for God's sake.

Mr. Kroeger : She is not.

Mrs. Kroeger : Her name is Chastity. She is white trash, same as you. Hillbilly!

John Beckwith : You better lock it up.

Jeremy Grey : No, you lock it up!

John Beckwith : You lock it up!

Jeremy Grey : You lock it up!

Jeremy Grey : Lock it up!

Jeremy Grey : Have you even shot one of these things before?

John Beckwith : The whole 17 years we've known each other I've been sneaking off to go on little hunting trips around the world. No, I don't even know what the fuck a quail is!

Jeremy Grey : I feel totally ridiculous. Like why do I have to be in camouflage? So the big bad quail doesn't see me?

John Beckwith : I know. Why can't we hunt something cool like a hawk or an eagle, something with some talons?

Jeremy Grey : That'd be awesome. We could get something like big game. Even like a gorilla or a rhinoceros or a fucking human being! That'll get you jacked up.

John Beckwith : That's a little heavy.

Jeremy Grey : I mean like, hunt a human being right now, "Most Dangerous Game". Like a worthy adversary. Not a human being that's armed, but a clever, a clever, human being who knows the jungle. Or the woods.

Sack Lodge : Claire, you get your fucking ass on that altar right now!

John Beckwith : Wow, we're getting a great preview of what marriage is gonna be like with Ike Turner over here.

John Beckwith : [to a group of children at a wedding]  Love doesn't exist, that's what I'm trying to tell you guys. And I'm not picking on love, 'cause I don't think friendship exists either.

Hindu Woman : [while dancing at a wedding reception]  French Foreign Legion?

John Beckwith : Yeah, we lost a lot of good men out there.

[cut to another reception] 

Bridesmaid : Mount Everest?

Jeremy Grey : I don't like to talk about it because we lost so many good men out there.

John Beckwith : We lost so many good men out there.

Bridesmaid : Playing with the Yankees?

John Beckwith : Yes, with the Yankees you loose good men to trades and unruly fans. Look I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry.

John Beckwith : Secretary Cleary, I'm John Ryan.

Secretary Cleary : Hi, John.

John Beckwith : I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your position paper on economic expansion in Micronesia.

Secretary Cleary : You've read my position paper?

John Beckwith : I read it while I was sailing my boat to Bermuda.

Secretary Cleary : A sailor? Good man! Take a seat. You didn't happen to catch my speech on the Paraguayan debt and money supply issue did you?

John Beckwith : Are you kidding me? I thought it was great! Your argument for the inverse ratio of capitalization to debt was genius. Now if we could just get Congress not to be so short-sighted.

Secretary Cleary : Yes! Well put. Short-sighted. John, what d'you say we head onto the deck and light up a couple of cigars?

John Beckwith : Stogies?

Secretary Cleary : Yeah.

John Beckwith : Why not?

Sack Lodge : What's this, uh, company called?

Jeremy Grey : [Screaming because Gloria is secretly masturbating him to the end; climaxing]  HOLY SHI...

John Beckwith : [Thinking fast]  Shirts and Pants! Holy Shirts and Pants. It's a little corny and obvious, but what do you get out of being subtle, right?

Claire Cleary : So is it just about the money?

John Beckwith : No no, it's about, uh, investing in companies that are ethically and morally defensible.

Sack Lodge : Well, like what? Give me an example.

John Beckwith : Like what? Well, there's the company that we have where we're taking the, the fur or the wool from sheep and we turn it into thread for homeless people to sew. And then they make it into cloth, which they in turn sew, then um... make little shirts and pants for other homeless people to sell. It's a pretty good deal.

Jeremy Grey : [fumbling his words because Gloria is giving him a hand job under the dinner table]  People - People helping people.

Claire Cleary : That's - that's very admirable.

John Beckwith : Thank you. Although, don't make me out to be a saint just yet. We do turn a small profit. After all, someone has to pay for the, uh,

[motions to Jeremy] 

John Beckwith : Lap dancers for the big guy here.

Jeremy Grey : [laughing pleasurably]  Oh, ha ha ha, he's joking around. It feels so good when he jokes.

Vivian : Would you say you're completely full of shit or just 50%?

John Beckwith : I hope just 50 but who knows.

Secretary Cleary : Once Sack and Claire tie the knot, two of the great American families, the Clearys and the Lodges, will finally unite.

John Beckwith : And then of course you can challenge the Klingons for interstellar domination.

[stunned silence, then Claire laughs] 

Claire Cleary : What is true love?

John Beckwith : True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.

Claire Cleary : It's a little cheesy but I like it.

John Beckwith : I read it on a bumper sticker!

[John walks toward Claire, who is on the swing] 

John Beckwith : You can't marry this guy.

Claire Cleary : Why?

John Beckwith : Because I've fallen for you.

Jeremy Grey : I'm getting married.

John Beckwith : Get out.

[Points at the door] 

Jeremy Grey : But you just said you were happy...

John Beckwith : I'm hanging by a thread. I'm reading don't-kill-myself books.

Jeremy Grey : You said the book wasn't yours.

John Beckwith : Don't worry about the book. It's not mine. But I glanced at it.

John Beckwith : Are you going to give a toast?

Claire Cleary : Yes.

John Beckwith : Nervous?

Claire Cleary : A little bit.

John Beckwith : What are you going to say?

[Claire pulls a piece of paper from inside her dress] 

John Beckwith : You keep it in your cleavage.

Claire Cleary : Nowhere else to put it. Normally I'm not very good at these things, but I think this one's pretty good.

[John reads from Claire's notes] 

John Beckwith : "I never thought my sister would find someone who cared about what other people thought as much as she did - until I met Craig?"!

Claire Cleary : Yes, that's funny. It's funny because it's true. People like funny.

John Beckwith : I know, but the whole funny-because-it's-true bit only works if the truth is a *small* thing like "everyone knows Jennifer likes to shop, ha ha ha". I think you're better off going with something from the heart. Honestly.

Claire Cleary : I think people are going to like this.

John Beckwith : I think you're going to hear crickets.

Claire Cleary : I think you're wrong.

John Beckwith : Sounds of silence. Go walk the plank.

Claire Cleary : Uh uh. I'm sticking to it.

John Beckwith : Ok, meet me at the back of the room. I'll be the guy waiting to say I told you so.

John Beckwith : How long have you and the Secretary been married?

Kathleen Cleary : 30 years next April.

John Beckwith : That's beautiful.

Kathleen Cleary : Yeah. And we were faithful for two of them.

John Beckwith : I have a better idea. Throw an interception to Claire, get her feeling good about herself. You think you can do that?

Jeremy Grey : John, I was first team All-State. I can put the ball anywhere I want to. I'll make it rain out here.

Jeremy Grey : I'm sure you'd love to be free, maybe go out and meet some Latin guy that can dance, grind up on you, make you feel dangerous but also safe. And how about you? Don't you want to get inside Chastity without having to wonder if everyone's gonna find out?

John Beckwith : God, wouldn't that be sweet?

Jeremy Grey : Wouldn't that be nice? And have some Latin guy sweating all over you, talking to you in languages you don't understand, needing you, wanting you, taking you?

John Beckwith : All we're trying to say is, put your swords away for a second. Let's finish this and let's move on.

Jeremy Grey : Get out there and get some strange ass.

Jeremy Grey : Okay, what's our back story?

John Beckwith : We're brothers from New Hampshire. We're venture capitalists.

Jeremy Grey : I'm sick of that. Let's be from Vermont. And let's have an emerging maple syrup conglomerate.

John Beckwith : Wait, that's stupid. We don't know anything about maple syrup.

Jeremy Grey : I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup! I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?

[after playing football] 

Kathleen Cleary : Boy, it's hot out here.

John Beckwith : Yeah.

Kathleen Cleary : You should've played in your underwear.

Jeremy Grey : That's interesting John, that glass looks half full to me.

John Beckwith : Wow, now that you mention it, it *is* half full.

Jeremy Grey : Listen, I'm getting married.

[points at the door] 

Jeremy Grey : What? You just sat there and said you were happy for me, that I...

Jeremy Grey : You said that the book wasn't yours.

John Beckwith : Don't worry about the book. It isn't mine. But I glanced at it.

Jeremy Grey : John, you've been my friend for 16 years. I'm getting married. I need you there to be my best man.

John Beckwith : Kindly leave!

Jeremy Grey : I'm try...

John Beckwith : [cuts him off; whispers]  Kindly leave.

John Beckwith : I think we've got a crier.

Jeremy Grey : No shot.

John Beckwith : 20 bucks.

Jeremy Grey : Make it 40.

[Bride at alter bursts into tears] 

Jeremy Grey : [watching Gloria coming up the aisle]  Hello, Red! Dibs.

John Beckwith : [watching Claire coming up the aisle]  She's all yours. I ain't gonna fight you.

Father O'Neil : And now for our next reading I'd like to ask the bride's sister Gloria up to the lectern.

John Beckwith : 20 bucks, First Corinthians.

Jeremy Grey : Double or nothing, Colossians 3:12.

Gloria Cleary : And now a reading from Paul's first letter to the Corinthians.

Woman at Jewish Reception : I saw you at the wedding.

John Beckwith : Yeah?

Woman at Jewish Reception : You were crying.

John Beckwith : Oh shit! You weren't supposed to see that. Now you probably think I'm a big pussy.

Woman at Jewish Reception : No, you were so sweet.

John Beckwith : Hey, listen. What angle are you going to play here?

Jeremy Grey : I am going to go with the balloon animal display. For the kids. And then when she comes close to check it out, guess who is the broken man, haunted past? How about you?

John Beckwith : I am going to go dance with the little flower girl. Oh, and I might be a charter member of Oprah's book club.

Jeremy Grey : It's all deadly.

Claire Cleary : Actually Todd is an amazing painter. He's going to the Rhode Island School of Design.

John Beckwith : Wow, that's a great school. Congratulations, Todd. That's really impressive. RIS-D!

Todd Cleary : Yeah, Dad - Dad always thought I'd be a political liability...

[getting angry] 

Todd Cleary : ...in case he ever ran for President.

Secretary Cleary : Now, now Todd. Actually, truth be told, polling shows that a majority of the American people would ultimately empathize with our situation.

Todd Cleary : [sharply, raising his voice]  What IS our situation, Dad?

Grandma Mary Cleary : You're a homo.

John Beckwith : [about Chazz]  He lived with his mom till he was forty! She tried to poison his oatmeal!

Jeremy Grey : Erroneous! Erroneous! Erroneous on both counts!

John Beckwith : I crashed a funeral today.

John Beckwith : Whoa, hold it, Sack!

[Sack punches John] 

Trap : OK, Sackmaster, one more. We should get back to the bar.

Sack Lodge : You get near my fiancée again, I kill you.

John Beckwith : Let me say one thing.

Sack Lodge : [to Trap]  Did you check out the rack on that bartender?

Trap : Hey, you're the Sack. She'll come to you.

Sack Lodge : Oh my God, yes, she will, you're right!

Jeremy Grey : John? I need to see you right away. It's important.

John Beckwith : [Walking into Jeremy's office]  What's going on?

Jeremy Grey : [sighs]  We got three big weeks ahead of us. It's wedding season, kid!

John Beckwith : You sandbaggin' son of a bitch!

Jeremy Grey : I've got us down for 17 of them already.

John Beckwith : Okay, now how many of them have cash bars?

Jeremy Grey : Great question. I like where your head's at and two of them actually are, but I got us covered: Purple hearts. We won't have to pay for a drink all night.

John Beckwith : Oh, yeah. Perfect.

Jeremy Grey : We are gonna have tons and tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies that get so aroused by the thought of marriage that they'll throw their inhibitions to the wind.

John Beckwith : And who's gonna be there to catch them?

Jeremy Grey : Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal! What do you like better, Christmas or Wedding Season?

[Jeremy raises his hand] 

John Beckwith : Mr. Grey?

Jeremy Grey : Yes. The answer would be, um, Wedding Season?

[shimmy-shakes] 

John Beckwith : Bingo! I'm gonna get my suit. Now who are we this time?

Claire Cleary : Your brother. He's down again.

John Beckwith : What is his deal?

Claire Cleary : Are you OK?

John Beckwith : Yeah, I'm just swinging the jib for your dad, starboard.

Claire Cleary : But starboard's *this* way.

John Beckwith : That's right. What am I thinking? I'm used to sailing Down Under with the Kiwis so everything's backwards. Even the toilets, when you flush them, the water spins the opposite way. Really freaks you out the first time you see it.

John Beckwith : What are you going to do for an encore? Walk on water?

[the men are hunting quails in the forest; Secretary Cleary blows his quail whistle] 

Sack Lodge : There's something not right about these guys.

Flip : What do you mean?

Sack Lodge : I mean, it's time to send them home.

Flip : Sack, don't do anything crazy.

Sack Lodge : Just relax. I'm just gonna scare them a little bit.

Flip : All right.

[Sack cocks his rifle and aims it at Jeremy] 

Sack Lodge : [Yells]  TO THE RIGHT!

[Everyone aims and shoots; John and Jeremy screams; John falls to the ground, pulls the trigger, and then shoots Jeremy] 

Jeremy Grey : [Screaming]  Aaaahhh! They got me!

Sack Lodge : [laughs]  Oh, shit!

Jeremy Grey : THEY GOT ME!

John Beckwith : Oh, shit.

Jeremy Grey : Oh, that's terrific! Why don't you just feed me to the lions? Step on my head when I am drowning.

Jeremy Grey : What do you mean "what"? What a great friend, John. This is completely against the rules. You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. There's no overtime.

John Beckwith : No overtime. Yeah, well what about the Chang wedding three years ago. 2am, you drag me fifty miles to watch you and some chick play Mah-Jongg with her grandmother? In a retirement home.

Jeremy Grey : Completely different situation. She was a very, very family-oriented girl. And very into her grandmother.

Jeremy Grey : [Yells aloud]  *That was my first Asian!*

[the entire room goes silent] 

John Beckwith : Rule No.5: "You're an idiot"

John Beckwith : Get up, you're making us look like pussies.

Jeremy Grey : If I had any air in my lungs I'd scream at you.

Jeremy Grey : [in response to the outfit he's wearing]  I'm not even gunna say it, but you know I'm upset.

John Beckwith : Yes. But I think you look good.

Jeremy Grey : You know I don't look good.

[after Sack outruns John and scores a touchdown] 

Jeremy Grey : What happened?

John Beckwith : I think he's on steroids. It's like trying to cover a fucking race horse.

Jeremy Grey : [quarterbacking a touch football game]  John! Red seven!

John Beckwith : I don't know what red seven means.

Jeremy Grey : Hot route!

John Beckwith : I don't... What is hot route?

Jeremy Grey : Will you just go stand on the other side please?

John Beckwith : Rule #1: Never Leave a Fellow Crasher Behind.

John Beckwith : [introducing himself at a wedding reception]  Sanjay Collins.

Jeremy Grey : Chuck Vindaloo. Excited to be here.

John Beckwith : Seamus O'Toole.

Jeremy Grey : Bobby O'Shea.

John Beckwith : I'm ready to get drunk!

John Beckwith : [after Jeremy gets violently tackled to the ground]  You were awesome... she's buying it, now quit messing around and get up.

Jeremy Grey : [after getting the wind knocked out of him, whispering]  I'm not messing around, I can't breathe.

John Beckwith : Oh, come on, now you're just milking it.

Jeremy Grey : [looks up in disgust, still whispering]  I hate you.

John Beckwith : Oh, *you're* gonna cover me.

Claire Cleary : Like white on rice.

John Beckwith : All right I like my odds here. Let me give you a little warning, I'm going downtown. Look for me in the endzone after this play, I'll be the guy holding the ball.

John Beckwith : And do ya maybe feel the same way?

Claire Cleary : Maybe.

John Beckwith : [relieved]  Maybe. That's all I needed to know.

Claire Cleary : [exhales in frustration]  But this is crazy, because I don't know any...

John Beckwith : Why?

Claire Cleary : I don't know anything about you!

John Beckwith : What do you mean?

Claire Cleary : You do investments in New Hampshire, and you have a... crazy brother...

John Beckwith : Well, actually, I need to talk to you about that. I'm not a big deal, but maybe youn wanna sit back on the swing.

Sack Lodge : Why don't you tell her, John?

John Beckwith : I don't know what goin' on.

Sack Lodge : [whispers]  You don't know?

John Beckwith : I'm playing Catch-up too.

[Sack punches John in the chest] 

Claire Cleary : [yells]  Sack! What are you doing?

Sack Lodge : You remembering yet? You remember yet?

Claire Cleary : [to John]  Are you okay? Sack!

Sack Lodge : They're not who they say they are, Claire. Those aren't even their real names.

Claire Cleary : What?

Sack Lodge : No, everything they told you was a lie.

Claire Cleary : [confused]  I-I don't understand what your saying.

Sack Lodge : Claire, they crash weddings. They crash weddings so that they can sleep with girls. Everything that they told us has been a complete fabrication!

Claire Cleary : You're joking.

Sack Lodge : All of it was a - Don't you fuckin' get up!

Claire Cleary : Sack, will you just stop?

Sack Lodge : [backs away]  Okay. Okay.

[Claire demands the truth] 

Claire Cleary : Is that true?

John Beckwith : [hesitates]  No - Well, no, it's... not entirely.

Claire Cleary : No. It's a "Yes" or "No" question.

John Beckwith : I know, but it's complicated.

Claire Cleary : [turns angry]  Yes or No?

[the family looks on John and Jeremy in disbelief] 

Claire Cleary : Yes or No?

John Beckwith : Yes...

[the family is shocked and upset; Claire is at a loss for words] 

John Beckwith : with shades of grey.

Jeremy Grey : [to Gloria]  I'm not perfect. But who are we kidding? Neither are you. And you wanna know what? I dig it!

Todd Cleary : Mom make you feel her tits?

John Beckwith : Did you say something, Todd?

John Beckwith : Todd, where are you going with this?

Todd Cleary : Just don't say anything to my dad, though. Some friend of my sister's said something to my dad a couple of years ago, he now lives in a shack in Guam... not by choice.

John Beckwith : Stop kidding with me Todd. You almost had me. Come on!

John Beckwith : I don't mean to pry.

Claire Cleary : Yes, you do.

[seeing Gloria throwing a tantrum in front of her father] 

Jeremy Grey : Looks like a little kid at Toys-R-Us.

[pause] 

Jeremy Grey : I can't be around her.

John Beckwith : Get off your high horse and stop judging people.

[a gunshot is heard from inside the Cleary mansion; Grandma Cleary is chasing Jeremy outside] 

Jeremy Grey : RUN! JOHNNY! She's tryin' to kill me!

[shouting continues] 

Claire Cleary : Grandma!

John Beckwith : Whoa! Whoa!

Jeremy Grey : Get the gun from her!

Secretary Cleary : Put the gun down! Mother, stop!

Jeremy Grey : This is the real world, lady! You can't just go shooting people on a whim!

John Beckwith : [shocked]  What did you do?

Jeremy Grey : [to Father O'Neil]  I told you that in confidence. That was a confession!

Claire Cleary : What are you talking about?

Jeremy Grey : I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. Okay? I'm not gonna apologize, I'm a cocksman!

[gets glares from wedding guests] 

John Beckwith : [to wedding guests]  Tourette's.

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True Grit (1969 film)

True Grit is a 1969 film in which a young girl enlists the aid of a crusty U.S. Marshal to hunt down the man who murdered her father.

• 1 Mattie Ross
• 2 "Rooster" Cogburn
• 3 Ranger La Boeuf
• 4 Ned Pepper
• 9 External links

Mattie Ross

• I won't rest until Tom Chaney is barking in Hell.
• If I smelled as bad as you I wouldn't live near people.
• If in four months I could not find Tom Chaney, with a mark on his face like banished Cain, I would not advise others how to do so.
• I also notice that the men of Texas gouge their mounts with great brutal spurs and cultivate their hair like lettuce!
• I want Tom Chaney hanged for killing my father! It's little to me how many dogs and senators he's killed in Texas.
• Those horses can't outrun Little Blackie! They're loaded down with fat men and iron!
• I'm going! And it's not because you say I can't, and it's not because you say I can. I paid good cash money to be here, and I'm on my own business! Now, we'll have no more talk about it.
• My name is Mattie Ross, of Near Dardanelle in Yell County. My family owns property, and I don't know why I'm being treated like this!
• Rooster Cogburn is no good friend of mine! He led us straight into your hands, and now he has left me with a gang of cut-throats! Is that what they call "grit" in Fort Smith? We call it something else in Yell County.
• Papa's marker is not what was ordered. I will make that wool-hatted fool of a stone man change it.

"Rooster" Cogburn

• Mr. Rat, I have a writ here that says you are to stop eating Chen Lee's cornmeal forthwith. Now, It's a rat writ, writ for a rat, and this is lawful service of same! [to Mattie] See? He doesn't pay any attention to me. [shoots the rat] You can't serve papers on a rat, baby sister. You either kill him or let him be.
• Baby sister, I was born game, and I mean to go out that way.
• General Price don't belong to me. He just rooms with me. Cats don't belong to nobody. 'Course, I depend on him .
• A fella that carries a big-bore Sharps carbine might come in handy… if we get jumped by elephants, or buffalo, or something.
• By God! She reminds me o' me!
• LaBoeuf, if you get crosswise of me you'll think a ton of brick had fell on you! You'll wisht you was back at the Alamo with Travis!
• It's a shame, a kid like Moon losing his leg. He's too young to be hoppin' around on a raw peg. Loves to dance too much, and sport!
• DAMN a man that whistles!
• Young fella, if you're looking for trouble, I'll accommodate you. Otherwise, leave it alone.
• Ned doesn't go around killing people for no reason. Had he a reason, he'd kill them.
• I mean to kill you in one minute, Ned. Or see you hanged in Fort Smith at Judge Parker's convenience. Which'll it be?
• Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!
• Damn that Texican! When you need him, he's dead.
• We've got to get you to a doctor or you'll be deader than he is!
• Well, a gun that's unloaded and cocked ain't good for nothin'.

Ranger La Boeuf

• The French is 'La Bourf'. I say 'La Beef'.
• I only take one step at a time. That's why I was given two feet.
• You can't take men by watching them run away!
• I served under General Kirby Smith. And I don't have to hang my head when I say it.
• I ain't dead yet, you bushwhacker!
• She draws him like a gun! [referring to Mattie's constant invocation of her lawyer's name]
• I never busted a cap on a woman or anybody much under sixteen. But it's enough that you know that I'll do what I have to do.
• Most girls like little play-pretties. But you like guns, don't you?
• All the Parmalees is touched, but Harold's the worst… no, their Ma's the worst, then comes Harold's brother Farrell… but they're all good shots.
• If that girl don't stay healthy, you don't neither, understand? And you don't get paid!
• I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!
• Tom Chaney : A gun will say a whole lot quick!
• Tom Chaney : Everything happens to me, and now I'm shot by a child!
• Colonel Stonehill : Most people around here know of Rooster Cogburn and some people live to regret it. I would not be surprised to learn that he is a relative of yours.
• Colonel Stonehill : I just received word that a young girl fell head first down a fifty foot well on the Towson Road. I thought perhaps it was you.
• Moon : He never played me false until he killed me.
• Mexican Bob : My wounds healed by themselves - from the inside !

[Mattie pulls the trigger as a response and shoots Chaney in the ribcage. The recoil knocks her back and she falls down, while Chaney falls down onto the sand on the river as well.]

• The strangest trio ever to track a killer.
• The strangest trio ever to track a killer. A fearless, one-eyed U.S. marshal who never knew a dry day in his life... a Texas ranger thirsty for bounty money... and a girl still wet behind the ears who didn't care what they were or who they were as long as they had true grit.
• A Brand New Brand Of American Frontier Story

External links

• True Grit quotes at the Internet Movie Database
• True Grit at Rotten Tomatoes

• Films based on novels
• Western films
• 1960s American films
• Films about revenge

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